Kidding Around on Mother's Day

It's Mother's Day!!! I'm on "home-duty" why nanny steps out with the gals for lunch and shopping. When she decides to return (?), the kids and I will have her favorite take-out dinner and an evening with her favorite movie prepared. She's the queen, by the way. We bow to her every need. On Mother's Day. Otherwise, she "mom" to us. And the bestest mom in the whole herd.

Mother's Day wishes:

* To be able to eat a whole candy bar (alone) and drink a soda without any "floaties" (ie, backwash).

* To have her 14 year-old daughter answer a question without rolling her eyes in that "Why is this person my mother?" way.

* Five pounds of chocolate that won't add twenty pounds to her figure.

* A shower without a child peeking through the curtain with a "Hi Ya Mom!" just as she puts a razor to her ankle.

* A full time cleaning person who looks like Brad Pitt.* For her teenager to announce, "Hey, Mom! I got a full scholarship and a job all in the same day!"

* A grocery store that doesn't have candy/gum/cheap toys displayed at the checkout line.

* To have a family meal without a discussion about bodily secretions.

* To be able to step on a plane with their toddlers and NOT have someone moan, "Oh no! Why me!!"

* To occasionally get to sleep late on the weekend. I mean is this too much to ask?

* To actually carry on a normal phone conversation with her toddler in the SAME room.

* To actually be able to finish a HOT cup of coffee while her kids are present. An impossible feat!

* To take a hot bath without her toddler suddenly screaming, "Mommy, I have to go potty!" as soon as she hits the water.

You know you're a Mom when ....

You count the sprinkles on each kid's cupcake to make sure they're equal.
You have time to shave only one leg at a time.

You hide in the bathroom to be alone.

Your kid throws-up and you catch it.

Someone else's kid throws up at a party. You keep eating.

As you cling to the high moral ground on toy weapons, your child chews his toast into the shape of a gun.

You hope ketchup is a vegetable, since it's the only one your child eats.

You find yourself cutting your husband's sandwiches into cute shapes.

You hear your mother's voice coming out of your mouth when you say, "NOT in your good clothes!"

You stop criticizing the way your mother raised you.

You donate to charities in the hope that your child won't get that disease.

You hire a sitter because you haven't been out with your husband in ages, then spend half the night checking on the kids.

You use your own saliva to clean your child's face.

You say at least once a day, "I'm not cut out for this job," but you know you wouldn't trade it for anything."

We love you, Mom! Really --